Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
only if we run a train.
done.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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