these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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