This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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