So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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