so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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