I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
