It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
