Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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