you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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