God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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