I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
