it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
