You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
