He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
