I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
