you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
