Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize