Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
