grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
