life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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