Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
