i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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