she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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