So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
