he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
