She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
