Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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