I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
