i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
