We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
