guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
