Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
