Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
