hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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