Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
