Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
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He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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