Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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