Life is so much better after having sex.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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