I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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