Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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