The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Everclear isn't food dammit
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
