We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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