i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you will always have a special place in my vag
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize