I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Buhtt sex?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
