dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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