yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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