If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
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It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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