at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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