I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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