Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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