Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
