Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
