Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
