Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
