can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
And then he peed in my hair
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