First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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