I faked an abortion last night.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
