Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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